Seeing a spate of movie reviews over the last month, I
wondered why so many of the Bollywood movie reviews are at complete
variance with what was found when one finally watched it. Typically flop, snooze-fests
get 4 star ratings and inspirational superhits like " Bhaag Milkha
Bhaag" get 2-3 star ratings
So here goes the top reasons why Indian movie critics get it
so wrong:
1) Critics are unable to measure against
similar genres
A masala movie like “Chennai Express”, which
has smashed box office records, is given the same contemptuous review as “Himmatwala”
, which bombed badly. And not a single critic has the sensibility or analytical
power to even wonder why one potboiler should be so successful while the other
similar genre film flopped. Because hey, “it’s a masala film and my little
circle of nerdy movie geeks will think I’m a sell-out if I say I like them”
2) Critics live in cultural ghettos and have
no clue who the target audience of a film is:
The reality is that most of the critics are
fans of Satyajit Ray and Mani Ratnam. So anything catering to the typical “Hindi”
audiences has to be frivolous. The sneery,patronising undertone is evident in their reviews
and the standard defence is “We critique a movie, we don’t consider trade
figures”. Yeah sure, but your critique has no meaning when the message is lost.
3) Critics get personal:
You have them saying that “This actor is
desperate , over the hill” etc. which has nothing to do with the film . So now,
let’s see if critics can take the personal attacks as well. Anybody in
journalism will tell you that film critics are usually at the bottom of the
pecking order in a journalistic sense. Almost none are qualified movie critics
and are just avid movie watchers of world cinema. During the job interview they
reel off names like Bergman and Francois Truffaut and the poor editors give
them the job as they really need to focus on more serious matters. And
thereafter, it’s these sods who review Bollywood!!
4) Critics fall in love with a headline and then
write the review to match it:
It’s like making a coffin and then trying
to find a body to fit in it. So if a critic’s clever headline is “Chennai
Express is Rukh-Rukh” , then it means the review needs to say that the movie
falters to a stop , otherwise it would be a waste of a smart headline, wouldn't it?
5) Critics are overawed by personas:
So you can be sure that any film produced
by Anurag Kashyap or endorsed by Kiran Rao will get a thumbs up. After all
these people condemn those silly Bollywood films, so they must be ree-aaal intelligent
and know what they are talking about. Never mind that the critic was the only
person awake, while audiences slept.
P.S : I need to add here,that 'Madras Cafe'released just two weeks after 'Chennai Express". NOT surprisingly the same critics who had a problem with the stereotypical "dark, menacing southies"in Chennai Express, had no problem with the same in 'Madras Cafe'. After all Shoojit Sircar is a "thinking" director, while that Rohit Shetty should have shown lily-white goondas. Point proven.
P.S : I need to add here,that 'Madras Cafe'released just two weeks after 'Chennai Express". NOT surprisingly the same critics who had a problem with the stereotypical "dark, menacing southies"in Chennai Express, had no problem with the same in 'Madras Cafe'. After all Shoojit Sircar is a "thinking" director, while that Rohit Shetty should have shown lily-white goondas. Point proven.
6) Critics don’t see the movie with the paying
public:
Since they get tickets as freebies these
critics never watch the movie with the audience that it is meant for. Which
means they have no hope in hell of knowing whether the film has achieved what
it set out to do. So do pay next time. Rs. 200 is a small price to get some credibility.
Imagine how utterly frustrating it is for
them to think they are changing the way people view cinema and then to their
chagrin “Ek Tha Tiger’and “Chennai Express” go full steam ahead , embraced by
the very people who read their columns!
The paying public rules !!
